its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
