They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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