My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We just shotgunned beers for America
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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