He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone owes me an orgasm
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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