Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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