ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
