Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ok first of all what the fuck
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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