Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I forget how to act sober
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
