The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
