dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
