he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
