Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
