I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
