I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
