Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
