Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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