i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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