I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
