I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
