Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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