Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
