Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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