i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
