I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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