Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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