between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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