So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
