he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
