You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
