My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
