Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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