My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
