I'm really into asian looking animals
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
