Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
