I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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