so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
