So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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