He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wat bout pragnant strippers??
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
