my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
