how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
