i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
