Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
