I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
