I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
