Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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