I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
