I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
