Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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