we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
