i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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